Being an Adult Is Basically Being a Permanently Exhausted Pigeon

We grew up watching Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide. Too bad nobody made an adulthood version.

Remember when we were kids in the 90s and thought adults had everything figured out?

They knew how to pay bills, make appointments, cook dinner, manage money, and somehow keep an entire household functioning.

I genuinely thought that when I became an adult, all this knowledge would just magically appear in my brain.

Like, congratulations! You’re 18! Here’s your official adulthood handbook.

Spoiler alert: THERE IS NO HANDBOOK.

I’m now 30, and I’ve come to the conclusion that adulthood is basically being a permanently exhausted pigeon.

Just wandering around, trying to survive, occasionally finding a snack, getting startled by unexpected expenses, and wondering what the heck we’re supposed to be doing.

And apparently, we’re supposed to know how to do everything.

Skills We Were Apparently Supposed to Magically Know

Because somewhere between watching Nickelodeon, playing with our Tamagotchis, and surviving middle school, we were apparently supposed to learn:

• How to file taxes without having a mental breakdown.
• How health insurance works and why everything has a deductible.
• How to make a doctor’s appointment without rehearsing the phone call first.
• How to budget when everything costs approximately a million dollars.
• How to cook something other than pasta, frozen pizza, or cereal.
• How to know when your car needs maintenance before it starts making suspicious noises.
• How to understand credit scores, interest rates, loans, and mortgages.
• How to write a professional email without overthinking every sentence.
• How to make friends as an adult when everyone is busy or exhausted.
• How to negotiate a salary or ask for a raise.
• How to understand retirement accounts when retirement feels like a fictional concept.
• How to maintain a clean house when laundry apparently reproduces overnight.
• How to figure out what career we’re supposed to have for the rest of our lives.
• How to balance work, family, relationships, responsibilities, and mental health.
• How to know what we’re making for dinner. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

And my personal favorite?

How to be a functioning adult when you’re already exhausted from being an adult.

Seriously. Who was supposed to teach us this stuff?

Because I think I missed that episode.

We Needed Ned’s Declassified Adult Survival Guide

Does anyone remember Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide?

We had tips for surviving middle school.

Where was the episode about understanding taxes?

Or navigating health insurance?

Or figuring out why your car suddenly needs $800 worth of repairs?

Or how to survive a full workweek without wanting to crawl into bed and disappear under the blankets?

Ned, we need you.

We’re in our 30s now, and things have gotten significantly more complicated.

I Thought I’d Have Everything Figured Out by 30

When I was younger, I imagined 30-year-old me would have everything together.

A successful career.

Financial stability.

A perfectly organized life.

Maybe even a general idea of what I’m doing.

Instead, I’m still figuring out my career, building my little creative business, learning how to manage adulthood, and occasionally wondering whether everyone else got an instruction manual I somehow missed.

Some days, I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot.

Other days, remembering to drink water and getting through my work shift feels like a major achievement.

And you know what?

Maybe that’s just adulthood.

Not the perfectly organized life we imagined as kids.

Just a bunch of people trying to figure things out while pretending we know what we’re doing.

Maybe We’re All Just Exhausted Pigeons

I think one of the biggest things I’m learning at 30 is that being an adult doesn’t mean knowing everything.

It means learning as you go.

Making mistakes.

Googling ridiculously basic questions.

Changing your mind.

Starting over.

Asking for help.

And realizing that sometimes your biggest accomplishment is simply making it through the day.

We grew up during a time when technology changed everything. We went from VHS tapes and dial-up internet to smartphones, subscription services, and artificial intelligence.

And somehow, we’re expected to keep up with all of it while paying bills and remembering to take the garbage out.

No wonder we’re tired.

So here’s my reminder to my fellow 90s kids:

You don’t have to have everything figured out.

You can be 30, 35, 40, or older and still be learning how life works.

You can change careers.

You can eat cereal for dinner.

You can take a nap.

You can Google how to do your taxes for the tenth time.

And you can absolutely spend an evening watching your favorite childhood cartoons because adulthood is exhausting, and sometimes nostalgia is necessary.

We’re not failing adulthood. We’re learning how to do something nobody fully prepared us for.

And if that means we’re all just permanently exhausted pigeons wandering through life trying to find our next snack?

Well, at least we’re in good company.

Still figuring it out.

Still doing my best-ish.

Still wondering what’s for dinner.

— Abby ♡

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This post is a more personal, slightly sarcastic version of my original article on The Abby Juli Journal.

Read the full guide: The 90s Kid Guide to Surviving Adulthood When Nobody Gave Us Instructions

Your turn: What’s one adulthood skill you feel like you were supposed to magically know? Because I have a whole list, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.